M a t t C l e a r 's J o u r n a l

mwuck @ 2009-07-07T16:17:00

2009-07-07T20:17:49Z

We once again have the attention of the world. President Obama is in Russia restoring our image and a nation and the memorial service for Michael Jackson has demonstrated the incredible musical gifts we have given to the world. There is love in the air if we want to inhale it.

- larry watson
berklee professor.

i've cried too much and not enough today.
I love that my school cares so much about artistry, and that we can all come together to sit and mourn for a man the world took for granted, and now truly respects.

the skies in boston are flooded with thunder, lightning, and rain.
walking home in that was the most human i've felt in awhile.
I believe that rain on the day of a funeral is a gift.
Its the fallen washing away our pain.
Its the world weeping for the lost of our loved one.
Its the beginning of a new day of sun, and love, and brightness.

It rained for my grandmother in 2000.
It rains for michael jackson, today.

I can say that I love you all so much.
I can say that I cannot wait to be with you all again, so soon.
these things I know to be true.

Michael Jackson is the reason I am a musician.
He is the reason I am a dancer.
He is the reason I am goofy, childish, deepthinking when I need to be, open to the ideas of the world, and open to creating something bigger than myself.

As a child he was my biggest inspiration.
He'll be missed by me, but he's not gone.

mwuck @ 2009-07-04T10:37:00

2009-07-04T14:38:00Z

http://www.hulu.com/watch/80234/burn-notice-michael-in-season-3

this dude, the guy from burn notice, came into my work last night.
He was pretty nice, but exactly how he seems in the video...a little cocky and monotone.
hahaha

that is all.

currently obsessed.

2009-05-01T03:07:12Z

good music just does this to me.
(as well as beautifully artistic visuals to match)

--------------------

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in it's case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows

wishing i could return the favor

2009-04-28T00:43:41Z

It’s strange what things you find while cleaning. I guess that’s what the phrase “cleaning out your closet” means. Today I found some old pictures, every set list from every show I’ve played, old flyers, every original copy of lyrics I’ve written songs for, and this letter:

050104

Thank you for sharing your talents with us on Friday. Yours is a talent that has the ability to touch people in a variety of ways… all of which are incredibly special. On a personal note, I have experienced many different situations that have at times seemingly come with sort of expense. Rest assured, I am grateful to have a laundry list of experiences as lengthy as mine may be. Experiences are the sort of thing that may be overwhelming at the time, but will always strengthen us in the long run… especially if shared with others. Assuming that you are like most artists who hesitate to share your inner-most thoughts, experiences, and perspective due to the personal nature of the material, I wanted to take the opportunity to thank you for sharing, and implore you to continue to do so… you never know whose life you’ll touch.

Respectfully,

Les Auten

I’ve always loved this letter and respected Mr. Auten more than most teachers I’ve had. He was always the honest one. The man who taught you so much more than just the subject at hand. He taught about life and of growing into respectful adults, while doing it in ways that made everyone interested, participative, and heard. He was a storyteller and a friend. I learned a few weeks ago that Les shot himself while being intoxicated, after battling depression. This news was quite a blow to me, because he was one of those people I would never expect this from or wish upon. It angers me, because so much of this letter that I’ve loved so much, had hanging on the wall above my desk at home in California for years, and looked to for the reminder that what I was doing mattered seems contradictory to the ways in which he chose to end his life. They seem contradictory because he ended his life.

I can’t give reason or excuses to the decisions that Mr. Auten chose to make, but I can say here and now that I loved that man, respected him, looked up to him, and wish he were still around today. I was fortunate enough to reconnect with him on a few separate occasions after graduating from Glendora High School, because he happened to be best friends with the owner of the restaurant I served at for a while. He insisted that I call him Les. He said we were both men of the same world now, and that we should treat each other as so.
I just wish I could have stayed in touch more. I wish I could have explained to him how much of an impact he was on so many people, and how involuntarily influential he happened to be in my transition from boyhood into manhood. I wish that someone could have bestowed upon him similar words to the ones he gave to me in May of 2004. I wish I had gone out of my way for him, in that simple way that he did for me. It takes so little sometimes to make serious impacts. One piece of paper, twenty minutes of thought, and the will to make your thoughts known.

I will forever appreciate and give thought to Les Auten.
I sincerely wish he was still here with us today.
I will think of him often, as I have these past five years, and give him a nod in thanks for all that he was to me.

Thank you, Les, for all of that.

motown

2009-04-21T00:10:49Z

tomorrow night.
should be fun.

go!

mwuck @ 2009-04-20T12:05:00

2009-04-20T16:27:54Z

records currently on heavy rotation:

William Fitzsimmons: The Sparrow and the Crow
everything about this man is underrated. His subtlety, his arrangements, his nuances. All of it. This record is beautiful in an extremely simple and straightforward way. If you have a passion for melancholy, emotional, beautiful music in the ways that I do, or if you just need one of those songs once in awhile, this record will be your rock. Key tracks: "Find Me to Forgive" and "If You Would Come Back Home"

Aaron Sprinkle: Lackluster

Aaron Sprinkle is no doubt one of my favorite producers/engineers/mixers, but he is also becoming one of my favorite artists. His way of weaving texture and melody together are amazing. He's worked on Copeland, Eisley, Acceptance, Corey Crowder, Anberlin, and so many more. I've been listening to Lackluster a lot lately, for mainly two reasons. "Genevieve", and "Sweeter Than Me". These songs have so much space to them. They just soar endlessly. He uses organs, vibes, and very complimentary harmonies to give these songs life. I've been addicted lately.

I was fortunate enough to talk to Mr Sprinkle on the phone earlier this month, and he is not only extremely busy and talented, but also very down to earth, grounded, and kind. I'm glad to know that good work can also be done by good people.

next up:

Bjork: Medúlla
I've been growing more into Bjork's music for some time now. I love the way she juxtaposes natural with synthetic in clever ways. Medúlla is entirely a cappella, but of course, Bjorkified with pitch shifted samples, effects, and intense amounts of layering and post production magic. Something about it though is seriously intriguing, and I have a feeling I will fall deeply for this record. Key Tracks: "Who Is It" and "Where Is The Line?"

iPhone update - so I apologize for typos

2009-04-14T14:00:48Z

I haven't updated in what seems like a long time. I'll try to do a quick update here.

Babak came to Boston last Wednesday and left early yesterday. It was really an awesome break from the normal routine for me. He joined me on one of my classes and hopefully had a good time. I had to work that night so he and Megan (my roommate) got to know each other really well, and luckily got along perfectly. They came in to visit me at work, which was so nice!

I had to work again the next day, so as soon as I got out we hung out a little and then went out. We went to Estate which I liked and would like to go back to again sometime.

Friday morning I have class, but Babak wanted to go to NY early to spend as much time there as he could with his friend, Steve, from London. He left at 10ish and once I got out of class at 1:30, I headed down as well.

New York was really fun, as it always is. We walked around a lot, ate a lot, went out, visited with Steve and his friend Simon, visited Theresia and Devangi, Tizzy and Curtis, and I even saw Sergio and Brennan briefly.

On Easter we were back in Boston. Megan made reservations at Atlantic Fish Co. for Brunch. She, plus myself, baps, mario, josh, and her cousin hunter, enjoyed ourselves and ate amazing food. Afterward Megan had everyone stop by the house, because she made everyone Easter baskets! Even baps. It made me so happy. Thats just the kind of person she is. I've been so fortunate to have her as my roommate and friend this semester. It's great. Later Babak and I walked down commonwealth to the common. It was a really nice day. We saw I love you, man and laughed a lot. It was a lot of fun.

It's so nice that I have friends that enjoy flying out to visit me and the beautiful city I live in. It's also amazing that they would pay to do that, given today's currently financial situations. But it does bother me when people have plans to come here and share what it is I live with, with me...and flake on that. To be a $30 bus ride away and cancel for absolutely no good reason is a bit rude to me and I'm hurt by that. But I guess you do what you feel is a better idea for you, and I'll be fine with that. Just needed to vent.

3 weeks of school left and I'm so so glad. This semester has been fairly unenjoyable. I don't like most of my classes, some of my teachers, or most of this weather. I'm just excited for sunshine and days off, as well as recording projects that I'll be doing this summer in summer school (if I can pay for it. ).

At least I've made some progress and connections this semester.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

birthday blog

2009-04-03T19:32:15Z

Birthday blog.
I got my scanner to work.

here you go:

mwuck @ 2009-03-30T15:07:00

2009-03-30T19:21:12Z

rogue trip to new york on saturday.
I worked til 2 am friday night, got on a bus at 8 am, and got back at 2am to work again sunday at 11am.

It was much needed, actually.
Having a spring break with next to no activity, and being in serious need of some time in a different city, I ended up in the city on a whim.
Celebration! was performing at Fame, New York, and because its their last year of existence (and I won't be home for their final show) I made the trip.

long story short,
it was amazing to see lawrence, and the rest of celebration.
It was awesome seeing Jen Oundjian and some others.
Then I met up with Ashley Moniz and her boyfriend Ian (both of whom I know via show choir days) as well as randi carp, who used to direct for los alamitos.

anyways: here are the photos.

mwuck @ 2009-03-25T00:46:00

2009-03-25T04:46:55Z

i can see someone walking through the fens right now...
...its late...

...im scared for them!!

they're one!

2009-03-25T03:10:26Z

...I wish i was there.

break is over

2009-03-23T15:41:43Z

I head back to school today.
Spring Break was a waste.
I got nothing done and did almost nothing - with the exception of the things I blogged about.
I have boston fever and need to spend a few days out of it.

I wish I had a car at times like these...just drive to maine or something for a day or two.

Only a month and a half left of school though.

then the summer i've been longing for.

Its just the weather. I know it is.

oh well.
time to do a take home midterm I had two weeks to finish that's due in two hours.

FML?

mwuck @ 2009-03-20T03:24:00

2009-03-20T07:24:59Z

watched both of these tonight:

mwuck @ 2009-03-19T15:23:00

2009-03-19T19:24:14Z

hahahahahahahaa

the president on leno tonight?
that's insane.

St Patrick's Day

2009-03-18T17:37:05Z

St Patrick's Day was interesting.
I went with Carly to the apple store to get my mouse fixed. They replaced it.
We walked around newbury.
At night I had dinner with Bri at Fridays, and then went out with mr tim lillis to faneuil hall.
it was definitely interesting.

here are some pictures:

cupcakes courtesy of Johnny Cupcakes

i do believe i am a leprechaun

tim and myself.

myself as a crazy person.

the bold words are links

2009-03-17T17:01:29Z

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Happy Evacuation Day!

Yesterday I met up with Cassie in the afternoon and we went down to the New England Aquarium. It was my first time going there, so i was just as excited about it as she was. We got there, and right away there are seals or sea lions or whatever. It just gets you so excited to go inside.
The aquarium was pretty awesome. There is a big cylindrical tank in the middle of the room, with a spiral ramp all the way around it, so you can see all levels from all sides and angles. Then at the top, you can look down into the opening. It was insane to see all of the different fish, turtles, eels, SHARRKS , living together peacefully. Then the rest of the aquarium consisted of a pretty sweet penguin exhibit, some tanks of fishes and anacondas (slol), and other little sea creatures. It was really really fun.

Then cassie and i wandered boston. I showed her a bunch of the sights, and we had the cheesiest mac n cheese on earth at quincy market. I love this city. I especially love this city when i'm showing it to people for the first time. Its all brand new to me again too, through them.
Then cassie and I tried to find her a cab forever. It was freezing. That was not fun. Finally we found one, and I hung out with Omid, and then Gina. We watched intervention. It was tragically comical.

today i'm wearing green and hopefully going downtown with some friends to take part in the st patricks day festivities. :)

enjoy your day!
-Matt

smile fish!

cassie and the jellies

the top of the big tank

myrtle the turtle!

cassie riding myrtle

mwuck @ 2009-03-15T23:12:00

2009-03-16T03:43:53Z

The charity event ended up being really fun. It was at the Liberty Hotel, which is absolutely beautiful. I would definitely love to go back. The hotel is an old prison, that's a historic landmark. A lot of the old jail cells and facades are still there, which is also awesome. They have a few restaurants. Clink - which looks pretty awesome, and Alibi - which is where the event was. In alibi, they had all of these celebrity mugshots everywhere. It was awesome. Paris Hilton's was autographed, which I thought was kind of funny.

all of the white murals with the trees used to be hallways with cells down both sides (As is represented by Clink, which has original cells.)

Lexy and Cassie

+ Claire

next we took a cab to the north end to go to an italian place for dinner.
basically, the craziest dining experience i've ever had took place.
Everything was fine! Our bostonian server had a fake italian accent, which was kind of funny. Then he dropped all the food, and mine was really great. But mike, who is lexy's brother, got his pork chop and was unhappy with it. Apparently it was over cooked, and since we were all paying pretty decent money, he wanted it to be right, so he sent it back. The server was like - you gonna complain about the food?? and we were all being so cordial and polite...assertive...but polite. He just knew what he wanted, you know? So the italian accent came off and the Boston accent came out, and he got a HUGE attitude. all of us were like, seriously right now?! So he sends it back, and the next dish was fine. Mike thanked him for fixing it and that was that...or so i thought. But apparently the position mike was sitting in was facing the kitchen, and the chef was like staring him down! PISSED. so basically they're staring each other down, and my back is to the chef so i didnt even know. Then all of a sudden the chef COMES over to the table, and starts yelling at him. calls him rude, and an asshole, and that he has no manners and all of this stuff. All of us are like WHAT IS GOING ON. Then they kick him out! They tell us all to leave. Of course this is after we'd payed. it was INSANE. 5 guys come up and THROW HIM OUT by the collar. it was unlike anything i've ever seen.

so all this crazyness goes on, and we leave, and go to newbury street.
ended up at daisy buchanan's. it was pretty fun.
I ran into karen.

then i came home and went to sleep and worked a double today.
hahaha

tomorrow i'm showing cassie around boston, because lexy has class and cassie doesn't want to sit inside all day.
So i think we're going to walk around, do the freedom trail, and then go to the aquarium.
should be cool.

sorry this entry isnt very prettily worded or anything.
too much to say.
its more about the pictures anyways.
:)

cab ride to the north end

claire, lexy, and mike.

then i ran into Karen!

older photos ive been meaning to post:

paul simon

happy st patricks day from boston!

what if the sky was green?

commonwealth

times square

chystler

grand central

empire state

While I'm in between

2009-03-13T17:37:26Z

I know that a much lengthier post is due (and will be done shortly), but while I'm in between I just wanted to say that the days where the light shines through are far more vibrant than the days of grey. I know this makes plain stupid sense, but I'm grateful for the sun today.

It used to be that the rainy days were my favorite. The days that taught me how to feel and what to think. I realized that that was only the case because they were bookended by countless days of Southern California warmth and light. After living through another 4-5 months of New England winter, I find the sunshine days bringing about the same inspiration and deep thinking that the rain used to bring. I attribute it to a change of the norm. A skip in the record. Throwing a huge stick into the spokes of my mundane everyday routine.
I love the feeling of falling straight over the handlebars on days like today.

Anyways...

Cassie is in town this weekend (til wed) and I'm excited to see her. We're going to a charity event tomorrow night with her other friend who lives in Boston. It's at the Liberty Hotel (which is beautiful), and will be a good excuse to dress up and spend a night out in this amazing city I live in...and all for a good cause.

I'll update with pictures soon.
I'll also update about the rest of my life's happenings with that post.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Goodbyes and miss yous

2009-02-09T18:23:21Z

My parents gad to put lady to sleep yesterday. She was so old and truly weathered. My mom told me that they wrapped her in a blanet and picked her up and that she weighed almost nothing. They took her to the vet and my mom couldn't go in. So Mike went in to handle everything. Then he and this big burly semi-pro wrestler
came out to get lady. My mom lost it and started crying and then mike started crying. I guess at this point the huge muscular wrestler also started crying, not knowing my dog OR my family. I think that's amazing. Lady was the nicest, most well-behaved dog I've known and I'll really miss her. She was my grandma's dog, and has gone on to be back with her.

Today is actually the 9th anniversary of the passing of my gradma. It's crazy that she's been gone so long, and it's crazy that lady had to go at almost the same exact time.

Today is so warm and sunny in Boston and part of me truly wishes to believe that both of them being together and happy has something to do with that.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Hello, my name is...

2009-02-05T21:29:26Z

Starbucks is such a weird place!
Yes, I'm here again.

Where else can you go where everyone around you wears a name tag?

Mara is writing next to the window
Sarah is in the highback chair texting
James Is reading a magazine
And beth is sitting next to me with her laptop making a business call.

Moral of the story: if you wish to remain anonymous, order tea. They don't ask your name.

(I'm having refresh)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Speak with eloquence

2009-02-04T20:27:36Z

I may have just decided that I want to date a writer.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

What's going on in the city?

2009-02-04T19:19:35Z

After living in a big city (although Boston has more of a neighborhood vibe than a bustling metropolis) I feel like it'd be extremely difficult for me to live in a quiet suburb again. I love walking and seeing human interaction on a daily basis. I like knowing there are a handful of different restaurants close by that aren't chains. I love the parks, and the fact that people actually use them

Maybe I'm only thinking this way because I'm sitting at starbucks with Cold Mountain again...and starbucks tends to make me think. But even starbucks is different in the city. Huge plush chairs adorn the floor and people are actually in them! It's hard to find a seat. People sitting and talking, reading, computing, and snacking...it's so different.

What I do miss about suburbs is the quiet of night. Having a peaceful silent room to sleep in is beautiful. I sometimes tire of listening to traffic and ambulances at night...but I have a feeling that once I leave this place I'll miss the chaotic ambience.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

i am not my hair?

2009-01-20T03:39:48Z

yep, i did it.

The Way I See It

2009-01-19T04:21:30Z

The Way I See It #141…

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

-Augusten Burroughs
author of Running With Scissors

It really is true. I wish I could just realize that for myself. I honestly don’t know why I’m so afraid of walking up to a stranger and attempting to make a normal conversation work. Maybe its my fear of a forced conversation that might lead to me looking clumsy and uninteresting. Maybe I think that the people I would talk approach are probably approached constantly and that I’m just another bothersome passerby in their current situation. Maybe. It doesn’t, or shouldn’t, really matter though.
People are people are people.
And people, if they’re anything at all like the person I am, like to talk, meet new people, have pointless conversations, and make potential friends…even if that friend is only in your life for 15 minutes.

I need to say hi more often.

I’ve been living alone for the past two or so weeks. Completely alone. No roommate, no pets, no television. Alone. It’s extremely interesting, enjoyable, tiring, and well…lonely.
It’s been a great chance for me to enjoy my own environment. Attempt to enhance my culinary skills a little bit. Go out. Provide for myself. Be a man.

I like having a roommate. I love being at home with my family.
But I’ll be excited to own my own place at some point.
There’s something that possessing ownership makes you feel, and I enjoy feeling it.
I can’t wait to paint my own walls. Buy an expensive couch. Have a room just for playing music. Host dinner parties. Have people over for drinks. Make magic happen.
All of it.

Life is a funny experience.
The only constant in life is change.
Just when you think you’re starting to understand it, you realize you have no idea what its all about.
I love that.

I’ve been inside all day. I would say doing nothing, but that’s a lie.
I sat around. I made coffee. I sat on my couch and talked online. I listened to music. I gently folded the 15” LCD screen down, then folded myself down onto that same couch, and just lay there, watching the biggest snowflakes fall. I would latch my eyes onto one and follow it as far as I could until it fell beneath the artificial horizon line that the top of my couch created. Without any responsibilities to take care of today, without the demand to work, or write, or create, or do homework, or clean, I could just lay there and watch the snow blanket this city that I live in. much needed. Very therapeutic. Relaxing. Relax. Sometimes you just need to relax.

I understand that this passage is extremely scattered and very unconscious, flowy, and unstructured. But isn’t that life? Isn’t that the point? Shouldn’t we abandon our itineraries once in awhile just to live? Unplug. Feel.

After being inside all day today, I realized that although it is great to stay inside sometimes and enjoy the life you create for yourself in your space…that’s not all of it. No matter how long you wish to stay inside and hide from the cold (hot, rain, snow, crowds, traffic, humidity, etc…) life will always go on outside. Whether you decide to be part of that or not is completely irrelevant. But it will. So I grabbed my camera, this computer, and an open mind and headed out the door. Maybe the pictures aren’t the best. Maybe these words make no sense. But at least I put myself in motion.

At least I said hi.

home.

"frozen in time"

a place to think.

cold mountain.

on my list of favorite photos i've ever taken.

Boston White

2009-01-18T19:38:19Z

its days like today when i step back and realize where I live and how fortunate I am to live here.